Sunday, June 1, 2008

I'm totally Mortified

There are times in life when you get to where you planned to be, and you look up and realize you're about to share your innermost secrets to a theatre filled with strangers. I have no idea how I get myself into these situations, but tomorrow night at about this time (8 p.m. on June 2nd), I will be doing just that...

It's called Mortified, and I'll be just that...

Mortified: Hailed a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and celebrated by
the likes of This American Life, The Today Show, The Onion AV Club,
Esquire, Entertainment Weekly, Daily Candy, and more, Mortified is a
excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics,
movies, stories, and more) as shared by their original authors before
total strangers. As the largest and longest-running project of its kind,

our grassroots comedy collective has spent years sifting through
of otherwise forgotten notebooks on a mission to celebrate the
extraordinary lives of ordinary people. Mortified is co-produced in New
York by Brandy Barber and Anne Altman.

I will post a blog entry to tell you how it goes. In a nutshell, I'll be talking all about my obsession with Bette Midler, as well as several other legends of the theatre, but also including my teachers and waitresses.

And yet, I had no idea that the Kinsey Scale might possibly be a bit...tipped.

Which is not to say that I didn't have my day with the boys. I came out as bisexual when I was 19, but then somehow wound up ENGAGED to a MAN a couple years later. I always think: I could be a fat New Jersey WIFE by now... thank Gaia I found my way, and stopped to smell the .

Still, despite popular belief, I am MUCH MORE SHY than you'd imagine, and so I'm a bit TERRIFIED about tomorrow night...

I'll leave you with a snippet from my 7th grade journal:

March 2, 1992—AGE 12 ½

I disagree completely with what the critics say about Bette Midler.
For the last few days, they haven't had positive things to say about
her. They said that she JUST BARELY MADE IT as an Oscar nominee.
That's not true! She was FABULOUS in For the Boys!!!!! Being my one
and only idol, she's FABULOUS in EVERYTHING! She deserves that Oscar

March 4

Everybody has an idol. Everybody has a hero. Everybody has an
obsession. But NO ONE is as obsessed as me!! My obsession with Bette
Midler started in October. I was watching her 1988 movie, Beaches, for
the 12th time. I always loved that movie, but that time it was

March 8

I belong to Verne Fowler School of Dance and Theatre Arts. When I go
up on stage, I feel so free! I don't have to be myself. I could be
anyone. Anyone at all. I could even go anywhere. To the moon, outer
space, Japan, Louisiana, anywhere!

Verne Fowler isn't the only stage-work that I do. I also belong to the
junior choir at my temple. Being the oldest (next year I start teen
choir), I almost always have a solo. Other than those, I audition for
plays throughout Middlesex County. I do plays at camp as well. This
last summer, I was in the musical, Annie. I played Mr. Bundles, the
laundry man. Most people think that my wanting to be an actress is
just a phase. Well, it's not! I'm going to make my dream a reality!

March 12

I saw the movie, This is My Life. I LOVED IT!!! It was witty,
charming, funny, sad, and Julie Kavner was terrific! It would've been
better with Bette Midler, but wouldn't everything?!?!